Sometimes you just have to... cry.

     Deployments teach you about yourself.  They teach you to change the beliefs you have had for years.  That sometimes change is good and that sometimes you do whatever you have to.  No matter what the situation.  

     Scott and I had our first fight a few days ago.  Not a big fight.  But I have to say, regretfully, that I did not talk to him for 2 days.  By talk, I mean email.  I want to crawl under a rock for admitting that because 1) my husband is in a war zone and I passed up an opportunity to talk to him and 2) it was my fault.  It was my neediness and my emotions and my psycho freak out that caused the fight to begin with.  

    But what I learned is that I was upset because I pent up my emotions inside instead of talking about them in the first place.  I learned that I CANNOT do that.  I learned that the whole situation made me feel 100% worse than it did it to begin with.

     But the thing I learned the most about was that even after the fight, even after the silence I did not feel better.  What made me feel better, was just crying.  I laid in my bed, hugging one of my 3 extra pillows, and I cried. And I cried.  And I cried.  And I felt better.  

     I felt the tension melt away.  I felt the stress blend in to the joy.  And I felt at peace- finally.  

     So I will gladly cry more this deployment.