Magaroni's Mom, Marine Wife

Written in my last post, my husband is to deploy early next year to Afghanistan for 14 months. Over one year of my life, my husband's life, and my daughter's life will be spent with one third of our family "across the pond" as they say.

But amazingly enough, I am currently at ease with this. I hold in good faith that God will keep my husband safe and that our family will thrive even if my husband is deployed. We will survive and we will become stronger. I will have the support of our families. I will have the support of God. I will have the support of my husband no matter how far away from me he is. And the same goes for my husband.

But this at ease feeling I have makes me feel guilty that my reaction is not stronger. That instead of feeling sorry for myself or my daughter or my husband, I am thankful that my husband is going to deploy and get to do something he has wanted to do for over 8 years now. I am thankful that in his own mind his military service will not be in vain. That he will not regret his service and that he will get what he wants out of his military service. (My husband joined the military in 2002 to deploy and have the military pay for his school, deploying was the most important.)

But I digress, I feel horrible for be so at ease. I feel as if it means that I do not love my husband. That I do not love our family. That I do not cherish our time together. I feel like I should feel more depressed. That I should feel more apprehensive. That I should feel more horrible about this.

Am I wrong to feel the way I do?

And disclaimer: I am sure that I will feel more apprehensive about this deployment as it gets closer to my husbands leaving, but right now I am at ease.

(Or maybe it hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe that is it?)