especially when you are sending your husband off to war.
How do you even say goodbye? How do you tell your best friend, lover, husband, soul mate to stay safe and to come home soon? How do you not go crazy?
I said goodbye by telling my husband goodbye, that I love him, and to stay safe. I hugged his neck with tears stinging my eyes, and smiled the last time I looked into his eyes. I want him to close his eyes and remember me as strong.
I watched as my husband walk away, looking at his woodland marpat assault pack get farther away from me as tears made their way down my cheeks, trying to be strong. I stood there silently and alone as the the flag was lowered sharply at 6pm while my husband loaded the bus that every Marine spouse has a love-hate relationship with.
And I walked away knowing the next time I spoke to my husband he would be on another continent, an ocean separating us. I drove away before his bus did, because I did not want to watch him leave. Watching those buses pull away would have killed me.
I wondered if his heart broke the way mine did to know we wouldn't see each other for months? That we wouldn't be together as a family again for a long time? I wondered if although he stayed strong, if he was fighting tears the way I was. I wondered if that would be the last time I saw my husband. I have faith that it won't be, that God will keep my husband protected, but it will still be a thought at the back of my mind.
I will mourn today for the next year until I can kiss my husband again. But while my heart is heavy, it is swollen with pride as I know my husband is serving his country in a way I cannot imagine- even as a service member. I have never been so sad and so proud at the same time. I have never been so lonely and so in love at the same time.
Today is day 1. Today is 1 day closer to my husband coming home. And I will continue that count down until a banner hangs on a fence and my husband steps off of a white bus. I will count the days until he is home and we are a family again.
1 comments:
Okay, I waited to Cry until I read this! I remember these feelings all to well! Carla you are one of the strongest women I know and I love you, Maggie and Scott with all my heart! The Countdown to your families return begins! We Miss you already!
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